Coming out of a toxic relationship can be an incredibly challenging and painful experience. The emotional wounds that are left behind can make it difficult to imagine ever being open to love again. But it’s important to recognize that real love is possible, and you are deserving of it. It’s okay to take time to heal and process what you’ve been through, but it’s also important not to give up on the possibility of finding healthy love in the future.
The Importance of Time:
One of the most important things to keep in mind as you begin your healing journey is that it takes time. The wounds of a toxic relationship can be deep, and it’s not a process that can be rushed. Allow yourself the space and grace to work through your emotions, seek professional help if needed, and give yourself time to rebuild your confidence and sense of self-worth. Remember that your past experiences do not define you, and you deserve to have a healthy, loving relationship.
My personal Experience:
After my divorce, I found myself attracting the same type of man with a different face. It seemed like no matter what I did, I kept ending up in toxic relationships. I even had a man become a stalker after I ended things with him. That’s when I knew something needed to change.
I became committed to my healing and sought the help of a trauma therapist, seeing her weekly for almost three years. I also went through inner-healing and deliverance to break free from patterns that were keeping me stuck in toxic relationships.
It wasn’t easy, but I knew I needed to do the work to heal and become the best version of myself. And it paid off. I met my soon-to-be husband, who is healthy, loving, and respectful. He treats me like a queen and shows me what a healthy relationship looks like.
I share my story to encourage you that real love is possible after a toxic relationship, but it’s important to do the work to heal and become the best version of yourself first. You are worthy of love, respect, and a healthy relationship, and it’s never too late to start your journey towards reclaiming your life.
It’s said that the number 8 means new beginnings. Here’s 8 tips to help you find the real deal and healthy love after a toxic relationship:
1. Take a Break
It’s important to take a break from dating and relationships after coming out of a toxic one. Take some time to focus on yourself, your healing, and your relationship with God. I took a year sabbatical from dating before meeting my now husband, you too can take time to focus on you before moving on. This will allow you to fully process and heal from the trauma of your past relationship, and also give you time to identify and work on any patterns or beliefs that may have contributed to the toxicity in your life.
Taking this time for yourself can also mean focusing on your relationship with God. Spending time in prayer and reflection can be a powerful way to connect with God’s plan for your life and to gain clarity on what you’re looking for in a relationship.
2. Learn Yourself
Learning about yourself is a crucial step in finding real love after a toxic relationship. Taking the time to focus on your own interests, hobbies, and personal growth can help you build your self-confidence and create a fulfilling life outside of a relationship.
As you rediscover yourself, you’ll also gain a better understanding of your own needs and wants in a relationship. This self-awareness can help you recognize when a potential partner may not be a good match for you and prevent you from falling into another toxic relationship.
To get started, try picking up a new hobby or revisiting an old one that you enjoyed before your toxic relationship. Consider taking a class or joining a group where you can meet new people who share your interests.
Another important aspect of learning yourself is self-care. Take the time to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This can include regular exercise, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, practicing mindfulness or meditation, and seeking professional help if needed.
2. Know Your Worth
You are worthy of love and respect, and you should never settle for less. Spend time reflecting on your own value and what you bring to a relationship. God tells us in 1 Peter 2:9, “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” Know that you are special, and deserving of a healthy, loving relationship.
3. Get Intentional
Being intentional is crucial when it comes to finding a healthy, loving relationship after a toxic one. It’s important to create a list of qualities you desire in a partner and stick to it. Think about what kind of person you want to be with and what kind of relationship you want to have.
Make a list of the qualities that are important to you, such as honesty, trust, respect, communication, and kindness. It’s okay to have high standards and not settle for anything less than what you deserve. When you have a clear idea of what you want in a partner, you’ll be less likely to compromise on things that are important to you.
Dating without standards can lead to disappointment and a relationship that doesn’t align with what you truly desire
4. Set Boundaries
Establishing clear boundaries and standards for the pace of your relationship and how you want to be treated is crucial for finding healthy and loving love after a toxic relationship. It’s important to know your worth and not settle for anything less than you deserve. Take some time to reflect on what you need and want in a relationship and what you won’t tolerate. When you establish these boundaries and standards, you’re sending a clear message to yourself and your partner about what you expect in the relationship.
Don’t be afraid to speak up and enforce your boundaries, even if it means walking away from the relationship. When you respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that doesn’t align with your values, you are sending a message to yourself and to your partner that you are not willing to compromise your self-worth for the sake of the relationship.
5. Take it Slow
When you’re ready to date again, don’t rush into a new relationship. This can be easy to do if you feel lonely, think it’s time to move on or still struggling with codependency. Take the time to build a genuine connection with someone before diving in headfirst.
One of the biggest mistakes of my life, was moving to fast into marriage. I had only known my ex-husband for three months before getting married, and I was completely blind to the fact that he was love bombing me. Love bombing is a manipulation tactic where an individual showers you with attention, compliments, and gifts to quickly establish an intense emotional connection. It’s easy to get swept up in the excitement and whirlwind of emotions, but it’s important to take a step back and assess the situation before moving forward. Remember, real love is built on a foundation of trust, communication, and mutual respect and it can takes time to establish those things.
6. Trust Your Instincts
It’s natural to feel doubts and insecurities after coming out of a toxic relationship, and it can be tempting to ignore those feelings in order to avoid being alone. However, it’s important to listen to your gut instincts and pay attention to any red flags that may arise in a new relationship.
If something doesn’t feel right, it’s likely that it isn’t. Don’t make excuses for the behavior of your partner, and don’t rationalize their actions away. Pray for discernment and wisdom, and trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you towards healthy relationships.
7. Be Patient:
Finding real love takes time. Don’t rush into anything out of desperation or loneliness. Wait for the right person and trust that God has someone special for you. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
8. Reflect on the Past:
The Bible teaches that facing our pain and trauma is necessary for growth and healing. Proverbs 28:13 encourages us to confess our mistakes, 2 Corinthians 13:5 urges us to examine ourselves, and Psalm 51:6 reminds us to seek truth and wisdom within ourselves. Reflecting on past patterns and red flags helps us avoid repeating the same mistakes in future relationships.
I want to encourage you to take time to reflect on your past relationship patterns and the red flags you may have missed. This will help you identify potential warning signs in future relationships and avoid repeating the same mistakes.
As you continue on your journey towards healing and finding real love, remember that it’s okay to take your time. Healing is not a race, and it’s important to honor your own process. Trust in your own worth and don’t settle for less than you deserve.
It can be difficult to trust again after a toxic relationship, but know that not everyone is the same. There are kind, loving, and respectful partners out there who will treat you with the love and care you deserve. By being intentional about your healing and growth, you’ll attract the kind of partner who will enhance your life, not drain it.
So take the time to get to know yourself, your values, and your boundaries. Trust your instincts and don’t be afraid to walk away from anything or anyone that doesn’t align with who you are and what you deserve. And remember, real love is possible. By putting these tips into practice and staying patient and persistent, you’ll be on the road to finding the love you deserve.
