Helping Someone You Love in a Toxic Relationship: 5 Tips for Supportive Friends and Family

As a friend or family member of someone in a toxic relationship, it can be incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking to watch them continue in a cycle of abuse and dysfunction. When I began dating my ex-husband, a friend who knew of him warned me about his past. As his second wife, there were rumors about him that turned out to be true. My friend was always alarmed about our relationship, but unfortunately, I did not take her advice. My ex convinced me to keep our relationship private, especially since we eloped (a long story for another blog). You may feel helpless and unsure of what to do or say, just as my friend did.

Even as a coach, I understand that it can be challenging to help someone see the reality of a situation when they are not yet ready for that mental or emotional shift. I have had conversations with women who were resistant to change or unable to make the necessary shifts to move forward. The same can be true when supporting a loved one in a toxic relationship. It can be frustrating and difficult to see them continue down a harmful path, but it is important to remember that ultimately it is up to them to make the decision to leave.

Here are 5 Tips for supporting a loved one in a toxic relationship:

1. Approach them with empathy and understanding. It’s important to remember that leaving or avoiding a toxic relationship is not as easy as it may seem from the outside. Your loved one may feel trapped, afraid, or ashamed, and it’s important to approach them with empathy and understanding, rather than judgment or criticism.

2. Validate their feelings and experiences. Let your loved one know that their feelings and experiences are valid and important. Often, people in toxic relationships are made to feel like their experiences are not real or valid, so it’s important to validate their emotions and let them know that what they’re going through is not okay.

3. Encourage them to seek professional help. It can be difficult for someone in a toxic relationship to see a way out on their own or even recognize the toxicity. Encourage them to seek the help of a professional therapist, counselor or coach who can provide them with tools and resources to make a change.

4. Offer your support and resources. Let your loved one know that they have your support and that you’re there for them, no matter what. Offer them resources and information about local shelters, hotlines, support groups or even your couch may be able to help.

5. Be patient and persistent. Leaving a toxic relationship is a process, and it may take time for your loved one to make a change. Be patient and persistent in your support, and continue to check in with them regularly.

Remember, you can’t force someone to leave a toxic relationship, but you can provide them with the support and resources they need to make a change. It’s important to recognize that sometimes people may not realize they’re in a toxic relationship right away. They may not be familiar with the warning signs, or they may have been conditioned to believe that their partner’s behavior is normal or acceptable.

This is why it’s important for loved ones to approach the situation with empathy and understanding, rather than judgment or criticism. It may take time for the person to come to terms with the reality of their situation, but it’s important to provide a safe and supportive space for them to do so. Encouraging them to seek help from a professional therapist, coach or a support group can also be a helpful step in their healing journey.

With patience, persistence, and understanding, you can help your loved one to take the first steps towards healing and freedom.

Here are some national resources for domestic violence and toxic relationships with website links:

1. National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://www.thehotline.org/
2. National Coalition Against Domestic Violence: https://ncadv.org/
3. RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://www.rainn.org/
4. Loveisrespect: https://www.loveisrespect.org/
5. Domestic Shelters: https://www.domesticshelters.org/
6. Safe Horizon: https://www.safehorizon.org/
7. The National Resource Center on Domestic Violence: https://nrcdv.org/
8. Women Against Abuse: https://www.womenagainstabuse.org/
9. Futures Without Violence: https://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/
10. National Network to End Domestic Violence: https://nnedv.org/

These resources offer a range of services, including hotlines, counseling, legal support, emergency shelter, and other resources to help individuals dealing with domestic violence and toxic relationships.